The Journey for Love
by kaykika
Summary: The conflict of Suze whether she has found love in the world. She does not know if what she has with Jesse is true or whether the temptations of Paul will satisfy her needs for love.
1. Disagreement

A_/N: Hi, this is my first story. I hope it doesn't sound like anybody else's. I have only read I think 2 stories on this site, which are different than this, so I'm not copying anyone. I hope you like it, and I'll keep adding chapters when I can. Hope you like it._

Suze broke the lock between her and Jesse, leaning back her head slightly, a smile tugging at her lips. It had been a little over a year since she and him had reunited- finally- as, you know, humans. Of course her parents were a little iffy on their relationship. This boy had appeared out of nowhere (which is somewhat true...), and what boy was he? He was a man, and Suze knew perfectly well how manly he was. Well, in the physical department. And the protecting-the-woman-he-loves department. Besides that, he was a romantic little thing, even if he didn't want to admit it. While her mother and stepfather both knew he was older than she, Suze decided to keep the fact that he was actually over a century older to herself. Father Dom had worked hard to bring Jesse into modern ways of living, giving him a place to live and a chance to gain a career as a doctor. Suze appreciated it all, of course, but she couldn't help but miss the fact that her boyfriend used to be around day and night. In her bedroom. How convenient.

Jesse gazed into Suze's eyes, catching his breath. He had breath now. He could breathe in her hair and she could feel the warmth that penetrated off his skin. "What is the matter, querida?" He whispered huskily. She was so beautiful.

Suze felt giddy. She wanted more, of course. More of this. More of him. They had been kissing for some time now, but that is all it ever was. Yes, she wanted him to respect her and treat her like a lady, but she was eighteen now. She wanted MORE. "Oh, Jesse," she sighed. She broke out of their entanglement on the couch (in her parent's living room. Geesh.) and stared wistfully into space. He stroked her cheek with his finger, and guided her gaze back to him. She let out a groan and flopped her arms on her lap.

"Susannah."

His voice. His voice was so wonderfully sweet and filled her with glee. At the same time it filled her with an urge to grab him. Was this possible?

She stood to her feet and looked at him over her shoulder. Was she being melodramatic? She felt like she was in a school play. Or a soap opera. "Jesse, we can't keep making out on the couch like a bunch of teenagers," she paused, carefully picking her words. "I want it to be JesseSuze. SuzeJesse. I want us to be... one. One with eachother. More than we have ever been."

He chuckled from his spot on the couch, but his laughter died down when he saw her expression of mortification.

"What," she spat. "do you think this-" She signaled the space between her and him with her arms. "- is all a JOKE? All we have been together is some silly fun for you?" Why was she getting so angry? She told herself to stop, but she couldn't. "Snap out of the nineteenth century, Jesse. Get your head out of the clouds. I know you're behind, but I'm sick of it. It's like being with a foreign exchange student who can't spit out the words." Bad metaphor, but it would have to do. He probably didn't even know what a foreign exchange student was. She grabbed his shoulders and brought her face so close to his, she could feel his short intakes of air. Right then she wanted to collapse into his arms and cry, but she couldn't keep allowing him to comfort her like she was his sister. She wanted so much more than that. She knew she would regret what she was about to say, but she had to say it. "Jesse, maybe we're not right for each other."

Fire flared in his eyes. He stood up suddenly, catching her off balance. She stumbled backwards, but caught herself. "Where is this coming from?" He hissed. "You think I do not love you? Would you rather me violate you than express my love?"

"IT'S NOT VIOLATION." She couldn't help but shriek. She was growing a bit hysterical. "I WANT to make love with you. I love you, Jesse, but you are not showing your love to me."

His jaw seemed to be tensing up and then relaxing.. over.. and over. His fists were closed tightly. "I admit, I am behind with the times, but I do not want to do something I regret."

She let out an indignant "HA!" "So being ANYWHERE closer to me than we already are you'd regret." She laughed, but nothing was funny. It was more to keep herself from sobbing. "Oh, alright, I get it perfectly."

He seemed to collapse, but he stayed standing tall. "Susannah. I love you. I have loved you since I first saw you."

A tear escaped her eye, running slowly down her cheek. She couldn't look at him.

Jesse stepped forward and held her in his arms. "I love you more than anything in the world, and I do not want to disappoint you."

She looked up, finally, and gazed back at him. "You don't?"

"No, but we must wait."

She ripped herself away. "WHAT?"

"Wait until marriage, querida."

"MARRIAGE?" She stomped to the kitchen. "Who said anything about marriage? So you can't have freakin SEX with me, but you've already got our whole life planned out." She searched around for something to do. She was in high-mode, and she needed to do something. She grabbed some meat from the fridge and other materials to make a sandwich. Soon enough she was throwing together tomatoes and onions, making a complete mess. Andy wouldn't be happy when he got home from dinner with her mother. David was with his new girlfriend Godknowswhere, and the other two were probably at some party having sex themselves. And THEY probably were doing it with someone they didn't even love while the man who SUPPOSIDLY loved her refused.

She realized Jesse hadn't answered her. She told herself not to, but she still went ahead and peeked into the living room. He was gone. "Uhhh.." her eyes fleeted around. "Jesse?"

He was gone.


	2. Disappearance Act

Okay. Fine. Jesse was gone. Shows how much he loved her, alright. After he had left, Suze went into another fit of hysterics, except this time she blamed herself. What was the matter with her? Was she really some sex craved animal? She hadn't even HAD sex before, so how could she crave it? Wasn't she not supposed to want it until her thirties, when the guy had already been hormoned out enough?

She called him at his apartment, but there wasn't an answer. She called Father Dominic, and he had no idea. She went outside for hours, driving up and down the streets, but he had disappeared.

Fine, she told herself. This is just great. Any other guy would want to bang me their girlfriend, and I give him the chance, and he only wants to give me respect.

Her heart told her to shut up. What was wrong with her? Every woman wants respect before sex.

Well, said her estrogen, Jesse already a. loved her b. respected her.. sooo what was next? The OBVIOUS. He could make out with her all he wanted, and even feel her up (well, until he realized what he was doing), but he couldn't go anywhere farther than that.

She sat in the dining room staring at her bowl of lucky charms. The rest of the family would get home any time now; it was almost one. She began to sob. Did he really love her? Was this all a hoax? Maybe he had issues with power. Maybe he was like Paul all along-- HE wanted to demand the sex, not the other way around. He was stuck in the past, and all she wanted to do was introduce him to what she had. To reveal their future. Instead, HE had to decide their future. Could they do anything together besides beat up ghost butt? _I guess not_, she sighed.

The phone rang. She nearly jumped out of her skin. She was there in a flash. "Jesse?" she shouted into the receiver.

Laughter rung in her ears.

"Who is this?" she demanded. "Jesse, is that you? Please.. come home."

"Aww.. Jesse finally gave her up." Oh great.

"PAUL? What do you want?" Suze hadn't heard from him since their trip in the past. He hadn't been in her mind once. Well, actually, she HAD just compared Jesse to him. Oh, God.

"Susie--"

"It's Suze."

"Yeah, Suze.. I feel real bad."

"You have feelings?"

"They're reserved for you."

"Aw, how kind," she said sarcastically.

"I was wondering.. do you want to do something sometime?"

She laughed. "What the hell? Paul? Where is all of this coming from? I thought you decided you never loved me. I haven't had you stalking me since."

"I never stalked you."

She laughed again.

"I guess not," he said. He actually sounded deflated. "I hope your boyfriend decides to show up. Good night."

The line went dead, and she actually was stumped. Oh, well. He was probably trying to suck her in.

She went back to her cereal, but it was a big mess of goop. She brought it to the sink, and while washing it, she saw something pass the kitchen window.

"Jesse?" she yelled, and dashed to the back door. There was nobody.

Nobody at all.

Suze slept in for what seemed an eternity. She woke up groggy, and sighed heavily. Good morning. Not.

She could smell bacon downstairs, but it only made her want to vomit. She crawled out of the covers and to the bathroom. That day, she decided, she would look for Jesse and apologize. What had she been thinking?

Although she felt sick, she left that afternoon for his apartment. She rang the buzzer a few times, but nobody answered. She was panicking, but she told herself to calm down. In the village of Carmel, she hunted high and low, looking for him at work, and anywhere she could think of. God, was she being the baby or was he? He didn't need to avoid her like this. Maybe he was SCARED to get in bed with her. If that was true, she'd kill herself right then and there.

She stood in line at CVS, with a bottle of aspirin in her hand. A big headache was underway. She leaned her head back on the way out, popping some pills dry. Of course then she ran smack dab into somebody and spilled them all over the sidewalk. "Dammit," she cried. A pair of sturdy hands helped her up, and she was looking into the eyes of Paul. Not him again. She had forgotten about the blueness of his eyes though. Almost gray. They were piercing. She felt as if she was in a trance, and she pinched herself to get out of the lock hold he had on her.

"Hi," he smiled. He didn't look mean. He looked hot. And lonely.

What was the MATTER with her? God.

"Hi," she whispered anyways, and suddenly was conscious where to put her hands. She kept them to her sides like a nutcracker, or rather like an idiot. She shoved them in her pockets instead. The pills had rolled down into a drain hole. Just her luck. She should have overdosed on them while she had the chance.

"So…" he moved out of the way for a couple passing through the entrance. Suze leaned away for the couple, accidentally pressing against Paul. She leaped back in surprise, knocking over the woman.

"Oh, sorry!" She cried, and the woman scowled.

There was laughter in his eyes now. His eyes. Why did she keep looking at them? Or into them, rather. They looked so different than Jesse's. Jesse's eyes she felt as if she could fall into.

JESSE.

"Uhh, I got to go." She began to scamper away, when Paul grabbed her elbow. That was what Jesse was supposed to do.

"Don't." That was all he said. He brought her to his face and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Don't go."

She bit her lip. His lips felt so warm. What would it be like to quickly turn her head and let them meet her own? She was wearing peach lip gloss.

She saw it. Or one. One of them. It was watching her. A ghost. It was a sign. A sign to get away.

"No!" She snapped out of it. "What are you doing? I'm with Jesse now. Leave me ALONE."

He didn't even flinch. "Where is he?"

She narrowed her eyes. "I don't KNOW. Why did you call me yesterday? You think just because he is missing, you can have me?" Wait, he wasn't missing. He was just… doing errands probably. She shook her head, trying to gather her thoughts. "I know where he is," she lied, contradicting what she had just said. "I forgot. He had to go to do.. something." She ripped away from Paul's grasp and ran across the street to where the ghost was. Cars honked.

"Who are you?" She said, catching her breath, which, she admitted, had been a bit taken away with the kiss of Paul.

The ghost was a young girl. She had yellow braids- yes, yellow- on each side of her head. She wore pink. "I'm a friend of Jesse." She whispered.

"Do you know where he is?" Suze cried.

The girl looked taken back at Suze's tone. "Yes." Then she disappeared.


	3. Seduction

Where was the car? Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Suze was stumbling blindly through the streets, searching for Jesse, but he was nowhere to be found. Where the fuck was she? She was getting pissed off now.

She had the feeling somebody was following her, and she didn't think it was the little girl. She stopped suddenly, and somebody crashed into her from behind. "Ah HA!" She swung around with her finger pointed out, and it accidently went into Paul's eye.

"SHIT." He cried, grabbing his eye.

She grabbed his collar. "Why are you following me? I said to leave me alone."

He laughed through his pain. "I thought you said you knew were Jesse was. Why are you wandering around the street like some homeless person calling his name? You look like crap."

"Gee, thanks." She muttered, taking her hands off of him. She didn't want to touch him at all. Even though he smelled nice.

He took away the hand from his eye, revealing bright red.

She brought her own hands to her mouth. "Whoops.. sorry." Wait a second… "Wait, NO. I'm not sorry. I said to leave me alone. You're just stalking me."

He ignored her. "Who was the girl you were talking to?"

Suze folder her arms across her chest. "That is none of my business."

He cocked his head. "She was a ghost. It's entirely my business."

She put her finger in his face, carefull not to poke him again, and shook it. "Hey, I'm a mediator-"

"Shifter."

"I'm a shifter, too. So back off. This is MY business."

He smiled, revealing perfect white teeth. "You're so cute when you're mad."

She stamped her foot. She was acting childish, but she had a headache. So sue her. "HOW many times now have you said that? LEAVE ME ALONE."

He shrugged. "You're mad a lot." He wiggled his eyebrow. "And cute."

She couldn't help smiling, but a scowl took it's place. "Well, you make me mad."

Paul grabbed her wrists and pulled her backwards into the shadows. Suze began to scream, but he covered his large hand over her.. well, large mouth. Keeping his hand over her mouth, he brought her close to his face and looked into her eyes. "Suze." He growled. "I can't help it. I haven't seen you in so long. Alright- I'm following you, but you.." He looked down at her outfit. She was wearing her motorcycle jacket and some low-rise jeans. Her hair was a bit messy, but he liked it that way. "You.. are so damn hot." He said, almost to himself. Her eyes widened, and she instinctively bit his hand.

He yanked it away, but kept a firm grip on her wrists. "God, Suze. I pay you a compliment—"

"You're a slimeball," she barked. They were hidden behind the bushes of some department store. She wondered if she should yell, but she didn't have much time, and she didn't need any police to waste it when she needed to fine Jesse. Besides, she knew how to kick butt on her own. She took the heel of her sneaker and dug it into Paul's foot. It usually worked better with heels, but this would have to do.

Paul looked down at her pathetic attempt to hurt him. "What is this?" He smirked.

While his attention was on his foot, she smashed her elbow into his neck. He immediately released her wrists and grabbed his throat, gargling. She paused, wondering if she hurt him badly, but then decided he deserved it. Her hesitation was too long, however, and when she turned to flee, he grabbed the back of her jacket.

Suze struggled to clamber out of it, but he already had her back in his arms, and he began kissing her violently on the neck. She struggled to get out, but he had her back pinned against the bushes, and her front and her arms were squeezed against the force of his chest. She thought of collapsing back into the bushes, which were poking her really hard, but she realized she would only be trapped even more. She also was very distracted by what he was doing…

Paul now was running his lips up against her jawbone and her ear… he invaded her hair and back down to her eyes. She closed her eyes briefly as his hungry mouth came over them, but then she couldn't seem to get them to open back up. She was being swept into the moment, and his kisses felt so good.

Paul wanted to run his hands along her body, but he knew if he did, she could escape. He couldn't let her escape. Not ever again. She was what he needed. As he ran his lips along her cheeks, he felt a salty wetness, and he realized she was crying. He opened his own eyes and looked at her beautiful face. Her dark hair was caught in the bushes, some leaves trapped among the luscious mess, and single tears were running along her soft skin. Her eyes were shut, but they squeezed through. He didn't know how to react. What was he doing? Was this love? Did he actually care for more than her body? He loved how she thought, but he didn't know if he loved her. The California sun beat down on everybody but them. The two of them were in their own world, in this secluded shade. Nobody could see them, and he had her trapped. He had all the power in the world. He loved it.

But she was crying? Why was she crying? He never knew she was like this. He always thought she was as solid as rock. A part of him was disgusted in her, but another felt sympathy, and utmost love. Should he stop? What if she was faking? No- she couldn't be. She would never stoop so low and cry to get out of trouble. But did he actually know Suze?

Paul decided to risk it, and he gently let go of her wrists. He brought his finger up to her cheek and gently wiped a tear away. Her eyelashes were wet and bunched in triangles. They fluttered open, and she looked up at him. He didn't know what to say. Neither did he. Suddenly her lips were on his, and they were kissing more deeply than she had ever kissed Jesse. She brought her hands up onto Paul's chest and explored his mouth. He was confused, but happiness exploded throughout his veins. He never realized his feelings for her until now. Did he really want the power? Or did he just want her?

Suze didn't realized what had happened. One minute she had been wanting escape. To find Jesse and tell him she loved him. Underneath Paul's grip, she wondered if Jesse really loved her. What was Paul doing to her? What was love? Did she even know? Suze decided she didn't. And if she didn't know, how could she love Jesse? She had felt something between her and Paul a year ago, and maybe it was lust, but she was willing to explore the possibility. The possibility that he held love deep within his exterior of danger and ruthlessness. And the possibility that Jesse loved her would not satisfy her. She couldn't be with someone who refused to be with her- who ran away when the going got tough. She thought Jesse would always be there to protect her, but he wasn't there now, and he wasn't helping her break away from Paul. This was when the tears flowed. She realized what was actually happening. Paul was practically raping her in the bushes, and Jesse didn't even care. Paul cared for her. He was willing to go all the way, and she accepted him in return. She would find out the man he really was now that she knew Jesse was not more than a boy.


	4. Jesse

Jesse could not believe what had happened between him and Suze. Why had he fled? He was scared she would regret her love for him and tell him she hated him. He could not deal with her hate. He needed her to love him as he did her. Another question. Why could he not allow himself to get closer to her? He knew he wanted to. He was positive. Her skin was so soft—all he wanted to do was hold it against his, but for some reason he felt that if he went further with her at the stage in their relationship, she would decide he wasn't right for her. She would leave him forever. Of course, she probably was going to leave him now. Why did he bring up marriage? That is something he wanted from her though. He loved her too much. He wanted to tell the world of their love. Now she thought he was thinking too far ahead and probably was a little silly. Love makes people silly. Could she blame him? Maybe she didn't love him, that's why.

When he left her home, he didn't know where to go. He couldn't go home and lie there by himself, yelling at himself for what he had caused. Why had he laughed? It's because she said that they could not make out like teenagers. That was what she was! It struck him funny, but now it didn't seem so funny. He scowled at himself and ran. He ran around for what seemed like hours until he finally reached Father Dominic's.

"Jesse! Suze just called you." He said, his hands clasped together. "What's wrong?"

"Don't tell her I'm here if she calls again," Jesse said. "We just need... some space."

Father Dom had a look on his face like he knew this would happen eventually, and Jesse hated him for it. He knew he shouldn't be cross with Father Dom, but he was angry at the world. Why was he so goddamn proper? Paul was dangerous, and Jesse was a romantic sissy. Could he help that he loved Suze and did not want to cause her harm? He buried his head in his hands and headed for the room he used to stay in when he lived there before. He guessed a ghost never needed a bedroom, but he didn't want to spy on FATHER DOM dressing. He couldn't help smiling at that. Not that he ever watched Suze. Do you really think a guy who won't jump at the chance to have sex with a girl is going to spy on her? Besides, she was in her bathroom a lot. Oh, well.

Jesse lie down on an unmade mattress and listened to his thoughts bounce throughout his mind. He would stay there for the next day and skip work. He didn't know what else to do besides face the face of someone who most likely hated him.

"I think you need a breath of fresh air."

Jesse looked up from his spot on the recliner. He was reading one of Father Dom's books. It was something about spirits. He hadn't gotten far. He didn't need a book to tell him what spirits did.

Father Dominic looked down at Jesse, who was wrapped up in a blanket. He smiled weakly. Jesse had become sort of a son of his, but he still was wary of the relationship between Jesse and Suze. Maybe he was still skeptical about Jesse's "rebirth." Or maybe he was saddened that his own relationship long ago had failed.

Jesse sighed and nodded. He needed to get out of the house. Maybe he would go apologize to Suze. The image of her flew across his head, and he bowed his head in sorrow.

Jesse headed down the road to the village. He kicked a pebble, his hands in his pockets. He didn't look around; instead, he looked at his feet as he walked. He wondered where Suze was. She probably was helping some ghost. He smiled. He loved her how she was so determined. He loved everything about her. He on the other hand was not determined. Or at least he felt he wasn't. If he was determined to make their relationship work, he would go and apologize to her. He wouldn't have run away.

He turned in mid-stride and faced the opposite direction. He had to see her.

As he approached her house, he saw a little girl playing in the grass. He knew immediately she was a ghost. She watched him approach, and chills went up and down his spine. "Hi," he said softly. "Are you okay?"

She stayed silent but kept her gaze on him.

He saw someone move in the window of Suze's home, and he was about to take a step, when the girl spoke.

"She's not in there."

He glanced back at her. "Who?"

She looked away and vanished.


	5. It

Suze watched him.

Paul watched her.

She smiled, and he smiled.

It was if she was seeing him for the first time. When he had stopped his power fest to catch her tears, she hadn't known what to do. Was this Paul? Where was Jesse? _Forget about Jesse_, she told herself.

Paul told himself to control himself. He hadn't seen that side of Suze before. It was as if she called for him. Nobody had ever called for him. Of course girls called him on the telephone and invited him to their bedrooms, but he had never been invited for a kiss by someone he had been trying to force himself onto. He contemplated the situation. Either he was falling in love with Suze (thus falling out of love with himself) or he was high. Why should one girl crying make a difference? Maybe because Suze didn't cry. She was tough. She kicked you in the balls. She didn't cry.

Apparently she did. He wondered if she had cried before. For Jesse.

_Jesse ._The name slithered across his mind like a rattlesnake. He would like to see the face on Jesse now as he and Suze ducked through the alleys in each other's arms. Wait… shouldn't he be focusing on Suze? Was this a competition or love? He didn't know. He was so confused. He had gone from lust to love to… who knows.

They slinked through the shadows. Paul had his hand on the small of her back. For some reason he didn't trust that she would stay. He feared it was all a fraud, and she would run for it any moment. One Paul called him an idiot. He shouldn't let her make decisions. Another Paul was bursting with affection for her. The last Paul congratulated him for such deception. As if this had been his whole plan and he was leading her to his conquest. Paul wondered if Paul #3 was the first two Pauls combined. He didn't know.

Suze didn't know where they were going. They had kissed for some time in the bushes until he had begun to go up her shirt. She grabbed his hand and had pulled him away through the maze of the city. She had no idea where he had been for the past year, and he didn't seem willing to tell her. Thoughts of Jesse kept hitting her, and she felt like punching something and breaking down in tears at the same time. She wished she had never even brought up the issue of sex. Her eyes began to fill up with angry tears.

Suddenly she found herself stumbling, and she pitched forward. A pair of hands slunk around her waist and brought her up from her freefall. She felt flushed, and she spun into the grasp of him. She climbed upward and pressed her open mouth onto his and made them one. She ran her fingers through his hair and heaved for air as she pressed her torso firmly against his. They walked as one into The Park. It was not far from the main town, and they kept lips locked as they slunk into the seclusion of the trees and wildlife. She was one of the wild now. They were one of the wild. There was not a breath of air between their two bodies. She led. She, as one, moved into a small clearing and pressed him against the trunk of a tree. She slid her mouth along his neck and meanwhile pulled the hem of his t-shirt out of his waistline. He was roaming all over now, his hands in her hair, and his mouth on her body. He gently slipped his own hand under her tee and ran it along her stomach. She was so warm. Her body was pressing him against the tree, and something came over him. His eyes popped open, and he looked down at her. Her own were closed, and as her head lay against his shoulder, her hands fumbled at his jeans. Shouldn't it be the other way around?

His first self took control. He began to move not as one, but as him pushing her. She stumbled backwards a bit, but before she could open her eyes, or her mouth, in protest, he pressed his insistent mouth against her mouth and forced her lips open with his tongue. She whimpered a little, and his second self backed off a bit. He loved the feel of her smooth skin, and he wanted more. He had gone so far with so many girls, but this felt as if it was his first time. He wanted to be careful. He felt inexperienced, and he didn't know what he was doing. He kissed her gently along her lip and moved down to her neck. She seemed to relax and forget about his jeans. She kept her eyes closed and just rested against his body, allowing him to caress her. What did he do next? Suddenly he wanted power again. He knew exactly what he was doing? Why was he letting her influence him?

He ran his hands up along her bare back and found what he was looking for. He opened one eye slightly and saw a silly smile plastered on her lips. He fingered for the clasp and let it fall. He pressed the straps off her shoulders with each hand and suddenly was overcome with frustration when it wouldn't friggin come off. He growled and pressed them both deeper in the wood. She fell onto her back into a bit of clovers, and he climbed on top of her. Her eyes were open, and at first he thought she was mad, but she was overcome with determination.

Suze's mind was filled with Jesse. And the fact that she had just fell on the ground. She smiled up at him slyly and then without thinking pulled at the bottom of her tee and yanked it over her head. Her motorcycle jacket had already left her shoulders. Her bra hung loosely on her chest, and she shook it off allowing herself to be free. He watched her with his piercing eyes, but his face held no expression. He looked as if he was doing a job rather than getting ready to make love with her. She suddenly felt cold and exposed, and she was overcome with the urge to yank back on her clothes and run. His mouth was on her again however, and he pinned her to the ground. His tongue ran along her breasts and she wondered what she was doing. The nagging thought came back again, and she angrily threw herself into the moment. She grabbed his neck, which bulged with his veins, and shoved her tongue down his throat. He seemed a bit surprised at first, and suddenly she was in control.

He didn't know what was happening. One minute he had been the powerhouse when suddenly she was performing on him. She began to roll up the hem of his shirt to pull it off, and he found himself with nothing to do but wonder. He sat up and stared down at her. She stared back up. He pulled off his shirt slowly, somewhat giving her a show as she did with him, and then he slowly unbuttoned and yanked down some of his jeans. She seemed in a dream world, but he didn't care. He violently tore at her own jeans and ripped them down her legs.

Then she said it.

"Jesse…" she sighed.

Time stopped.

"What?" Paul said hollowly.

Suze opened her eyes and looked at him. "What?"

"You just said Jesse god dammit." He was getting angry and turning back to his first self. "What the fuck are you doing with me? Is this some game?"

She suddenly began crying, but he didn't feel sorry this time. He began to tear off her underwear when she began to scream. She used her lower-body strength to knock him over and then she was scrambling for her clothes.

"No you don't." He growled and grabbed her foot. Her jeans were only half way down, and so were his, so they both were having trouble moving.

She kicked him in the shoulder and dove into her shirt. She stood up unsteadily and yanked up her jeans. Her palms went to her forehead. "What the hell am I doing?! I want Jesse. Jesse." She began calling out Jesse's name until she realized he didn't come at her beckon anymore. Reality was rushing down on her from all sides.

Paul's veins were popping out, and all he wanted now was to be inside of her. He grabbed her by the waist and she began to shake violently with angry tears. She tried to kick out his balls—whatever she could kick—but he had her firmly against the ground, and he was ripping off her pants again. She shook about, almost like a fish, and wondered where all of her strength had gone. Why was Paul here? She was supposed to be with Jesse. Where was Jesse?

She saw the girl. By the tree. She was watching silently, and Suze began screaming for her help. The girl disappeared, and all Suze could do was lie there and let Paul finish her off.


	6. The Ghost

Jesse had found Suze's car in the village, but she was nowhere to be found. He wanted to punch something, but instead he stood there seething, wondering where she could be. There was a flash behind the car, and he creeped around, curious. The little girl from before stood there staring at him. Before he could say anything, she began walking. He watched her in the distance when she stopped and turned around. She gave him a look, and he realized he should be following her. He wondered what was in the woods when he heard some shouting in the distance.

"Susannah!" He cried.

The little girl disappeared, and he ran by tree after tree and into a brush where he found them. Susannah was kicking and flailing, and Paul was about to…

"_Joda lejos!_" He shouted and ran through the bushes and leaped against the side of Paul with all his might. Paul hit the tree and blinked a few times. Jesse looked down at his querida, who was crumpled there on the ground, half naked. He began to pick her up in his arms when Paul came up behind him. Jesse felt a thud on the back of his head and plunged down next to Suze. She yanked up her pants and quickly, regaining herself, kicked Paul where it hurts. He screamed profanities and lunged toward her, ripping at her shirt. She pressed both thumbs into his eyes and watched him back away screaming.

With her forefinger, Suze felt the blood on Jesse's head, and she panicked. She had to get him away before Paul killed him or something. She heaved him up against her shoulder and he, slightly conscious, stumbled along through the woods with her. Paul was still in the clearing moaning, but she didn't want to risk it. They made it out of the woods and she stumbled to her car. They were off.


	7. As One

Father Dom helped Jesse with his wound while Suze took a long, hot bath. She didn't know what to make of the situation, and all she felt like doing was drowning herself in tears. She couldn't believe she had thought Paul was right for her… and somehow that he was Jesse. They were in the middle of the woods, for heaven's sake. She wondered what happened to him, but she didn't want to know. She felt disgusting and awful and everything that was considered dire. She couldn't believe the stuff she had done with Paul instead of Jesse. How would it ever be special now? She almost was raped. At least she think she was almost raped. Was she going to let him do it? She broke down in tears and looked at the bruises on her body. She felt like killing herself, except Paul would probably still be able to come after her.

She lay in the tub until she was as wrinkly as Father Dominic. Jesse had been sleeping, and she thought maybe she had, too, in the warmth of the water. She wondered where their relationship would go from there. She hadn't explained much to Jesse, and she feared they would never be the same again. She loved him so much, and she spoiled it. She hoped he loved her.

There was a knock on the door. She felt too weak to stand up and get out. Someone probably had to use the bathroom. She called out a feeble "Yes?"

"Susannah," He said. She began to sob.

"Susannah," he called again, softly. The sun had set, and it was probably close to midnight now. She didn't know what to say.

"I want you to know…" he paused. "I love you. I hope you are okay." She could hear him breathing heavily. "I'm sorry." He whispered through the door.

She choked back a sob and used the shower curtain to lift herself from the tub. Wrapping a towel around her, she climbed out slowly and rested her cheek against the door. "Jesse."

She heard his breathing quicken.

"Susannah, I'm really—"

"No," she said. She turned the knob and opened the door. He looked into her eyes, nowhere else. "I'm sorry." With that, she broke down in tears. "I'm sorry." Why was she crying so much lately?

Jesse took her in his arms and let her heave heavy tear drops into his shirt. He kissed the top of her head, and she looked up into the pools of his eyes. "Querida," he said.

She brought her lips to his, and they collapsed into each others arms. The water droplets on her skin rubbed against his, and he couldn't help but want more. They were one. They moved in rhythm to the inside of the bathroom door, and their weight pushed it shut. She leaned back her head and looked into his eyes. He looked into hers. Her wet bed of hair stuck to her head and strung onto his. This was how it was supposed to be. Suze lifted her arms up and clasped them around Jesse's neck as they went into another kiss. As she did so, her towel gradually slipped away, and for the first time, she was with the man she loved, how she wanted. With his eyes closed, Jesse felt the curves of her body press against his clothing, and he couldn't help but hesitate. Sensing this, Suze deepened her kiss, and he deepened his. He allowed his hands to roam along her hips and down the side of her thighs. He unbuttoned his own shirt and she stepped back and watched him pull away his layers until all of him was there with all of her. He smiled and did not devour her body with his eyes, but cherished it. He loved every bit of her, and she loved every bit of him. They became one, slipping into the tub and lying there for awhile in each other's arms.

In the woods, Paul blinked, watching Suze run away with Jesse. He began to climb to his feet when the little girl grabbed him from behind.

In the window of the bathroom, the young girl watched as Jesse and Suze stood outside the bathroom and kissed. She let them be and ran away, giggling.


End file.
